ALL-STAR DESIRE, by Franco D’Alessandro

As a high school football player, I wanted to die

Every day;

Not kill myself…

Just die

A lot.

End it all. Be a hero. Not a queer-o.

As a high school football player, I was an

All-Star;

I wanted to love among those stars,

Not tread the earth among the constant fear;

I never knew the courage it took to wake up each day,

To not let the world know of the small explosions

That pulsed through my soul -the longings

For that unspoken unspeakable moment when

Everything is to be told

and he’s holding me.

At 17, the more I grew, the stronger I became

The less alive I felt

I was a faint fire in those wild, frozen ephebic woods

Waiting and wanting to warm anyone;

Comforted by only the warm whisper of coulds

I would do so much, I wanted

To do so much more,

But…