Born: December 6, 1955 in Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said ‘Wish you were here.’
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I wrote a song, but I can’t read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, ‘Hey, maybe I wrote that.’
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Watch Winning Best Scene…
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